I finished the 6 months of the bootcamp. I was one of 15 present at our closing day presentation and graduation ceremony\u2013 despite being a member of a group 50+ on day 1. Where did they go? Did they go back to the lives that they professed at the beginning of the course as mundane and not their passion? I remember one person introduced themselves as a doctor; he was smart, had a great personality, and yet, he didn\u2019t make it to the end. I remember thinking, \u201cSurely, they are just as smart as I am.\u201d Today, I hope to share the story of my experience with the syndrome, how it affects you when you allow it to consume your reality, and more importantly, how we have access to the tools to conquer our fears and break into tech. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDoubt kills more dreams than failure ever will\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n -Writer Suzy Kassem<\/em> <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n The first step to weakening the syndrome is to change its name. Let\u2019s call Imposter Syndrome what it genuinely is: a lack of confidence. Sadly enough, this lack of confidence is often triggered by our greatest supporters, both directly and indirectly. In my case, my former instructor. It was day 2, and I was scared. There I was, jumping into something I knew nothing about, with my work stress boiling over and not improving. As an educator the salaries are limiting. The amount of work that goes into preparation and planning is a job within itself. I knew it was time for something different, and the promise of going from not even knowing HTML to becoming a full-stack developer in 6 months sounded doable. Whoever said, \u201cIgnorance is bliss\u201d lied. However, my taste of coding came from having to transfer my schools website to a new platform. This was the watered down version of coding. I had a webpage builder. I could pick the colors, create the layout, but entering the camp with no understanding of HTML was not the best decision. I was assured you could go to no knowledge to gainfully employed. I loved building the school site. I didn\u2019t like not getting paid for work that continued through the summer and became, \u201cas assigned duties\u201d. In contrast to coding,, in order for you to see change to properly evaluate a program, we need 4 years of implementation and consistent data. Coding is different, I could manipulate things and cause change immediately. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Back to discussing day 2 I\u2019m in the front of the room, nervous like everyone else dealing with the fear of the unknown. They didn\u2019t have these amazing income sharing bootcamps, like they offer now. This was all on me. They had engineers, a doctor, lawyers and a host of other professionals in the room to my surprise ready to dive in and become developers. In walks a scruffy guy looking like he purposely bought this awesome Big Bang Theory t-shirt, but his shorts were fighting gravity. I had already silently volunteered to pick whatever he might drop for that reason. I will be honest, his clothing choices made me begin to question him as a person. He stated \u201cfrom the moment you start writing code, call yourself a developer.\u201d My confidence had not shown up and to make matters worse, I\u2019m now thinking he\u2019s delusional. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Have you ever had a moment when something happens or the words being spoken feel like a defining moment that you should remember? Your mind literally takes notes and records of everything that happens at any given moment for later recall. I didn\u2019t feel like a developer. Besides, I don\u2019t put a bandaid on my arm and call myself a doctor. He shared how many developers deal with this. Gazing around the room, he makes eye contact and says,don\u2019t let it over take you. We will be with you step by step.\u201d My instructor did what he was supposed to do, he warned us about this potential obstacle. However, I made his warning the elephant in the room. It was my fear everyday and ultimately became my nemesis throughout bootcamp.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That feeling of inferiority continued to grow as my bootcamp continued. I thought that all I would need to do was show up and do my homework and I\u2019d be fine. Three weeks in, I felt like I was drowning. My instructor would just smile, tell me I was overreacting, and that I was progressing just fine. Two issues with his solution and \u201ctrophy talk\u201d. You know the story about everyone gets trophy. On one hand he is a salesman. On the other hand I know me. When I enrolled in my coding bootcamp, I had been an educator for 14 years. I expected mastery at a high level. What I did not understand at the time, my preparation for the course was not to level where mastery could have been achieved. The level I hoped to attain doesn\u2019t come quickly. Coding takes time, it\u2019s dynamic. Languages can change and new ones are created. My anxiety about programming was being manifested from a real place. Breaking into tech requires consistency, putting in the work, and lots of discipline. In schools across the country, students show up and get fed what they need to learn. I would send my students home with notes, homework, or a project that would help them display, retain, or practice the skills I had taught them in class. If your preparation to learn code is not up to par. If you can\u2019t explain to others what you are learning and what you have going on inside of your code, then don\u2019t listen when people say you are fine. You need to know what your standard of learning is and hold yourself accountable to that, but be realistic. There is no imposter, I had to be honest with myself and recognize you have to do certain things according to how you learn and put in the work to fully understand what you are doing. In my case, an accelerated program on information I had never heard of requires work. I just knew I loved computers, the logic and creativity you are allowed to display. Programming is much different than just working on a computer. That statement about the devil being the details, must have come from a developer. A simple syntaxerror can cause your code to return an error. In hindsight, I now realize there will be some things that will come naturally easy. I forgot about all the hard work to making my store increase its daily sales for two years in a row. It was all the long hours, taking up time on the weekend, and putting an enormous about of work to ensure my students would be successful. Yes, I had a lack of confidence on both of those jobs, yet succeeded the expectations by not lying to myself and putting in the work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nearly halfway through the camp, my confidence would take another blow. The bootcamp I attended would bring in other professionals that were there to mentor and encourage. One particular mentor was always so brash and would provide no fluff. If he didn\u2019t like it, he said it. e didn\u2019t do the oreo cookie technique, a truthful target area in need of improvement,sandwiched between two positive. His feedback was ideal for my personality. I value people that are honest and upfront about job performance. That is the only way you will grow. I wanted time with him and his direct feedback. I knew if anyone could see if anyone would tell me the truth, answering my question,\u201d am I truly a developer and what can I improvel, it would be him. We were wrapping up the mock interviews and a small group of us wanted to talk to him. He\u2019s a CTO for a company in the Houston area. Hoping to impress him I remember this moment also and what I felt like as he stated these words to a group of us made our way over to talk to him.He\u2019s a CTO for a company in the Houston area. Like others I silently hoping to impress him by implementing the changes he suggested previously to my application. I remember this moment also and what I felt like as he stated \u201cthose\u201d words to a group of us. Normally he would share a tangible nugget you could apply and grow from. However, not this day. In an ethnically diverse group, he immediately started sharing what I can see now as his ignorant biases our his reality of truth of public education in the United States, but at that time it sounded hurtful and when you are lacking confidence in yourself you are more susceptible to allowing other people\u2019s words to manifest in your life. He could predict if different ethnic groups would either be qualified or unqualified. He stated, when a black candidate applies, he knows they will not be qualified or unqualified That is because the education system is not balanced in the U.S. He is not that far off with his observations of public education. I have traveled to school districts in 7 states training other teachers, the disparity on the east coast to the west or the north to the south is so egregious. One school may have a lot and newer resources, while another in the same school district won\u2019t a lot of resources. The weakest of our population will have less. That is a fact. He\u2019s european and didn\u2019t grow up in the US, so I didn\u2019t take it in offense racially, but if most CTO\u2019s think like him, what are my chances of breaking into tech as a black woman? If a person in his position, level of education, and exposure to a global perspective, could be so short sighted and eliminate the progress made by Blacks despite the intentional obstacles we\u2019ve dealt with. I began asking myself, is my hunger and drive to leave public education not enough? I looked around to the faces of the others in the group listening and no one flinched. Here I am, silently saying, wait hold on, I\u2019m black, that\u2019s me. Are you saying ALL black people in the US will always be ill equipped for a job as technical as a software engineer. I knew I had two choices, show him differently or allow that to become my truth. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The lesson here is to ignore the words of others, both good, bad, or biased. Don\u2019t let the words of others seep into your head. Those words are the opportunities self-doubt waits for. I should have addressed my legitimate concerns head-on andmade a plan. Write my reasons for doubting myself and devise a plan to overcome them. When he made that comment, I should have walk away from that conversation, not giving it any energy to become my reality. <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n A lack of confidence has a way of eroding certainty. When you say something is certain, that means that there is a 100% likelihood this event will happen. Sometimes I have to remind myself who I am, my skill set, and how I\u2019m qualified. I\u2019m not sure what it is like walking around as man. I can share being a double minority, a black female, nowhere in the world is this a favorable position to be in. Your qualifications must get you in the door to the interviewer. Sure, there is the backdoor, but please tell me where it is? This works when there are others on or have been on the path your on. If there is a crack in the backdoor, it appears threatening to allow another person that\u2019s just as talented in the organization. Maybe it’s their lack of confidence or imposter syndrome kicking in. Have you ever thought about the rate of return of investing in yourself? Many of us find ourselves spending hours upon hours on social media looking at everyone\u2019s status updates and image uploads. Can you imagine the outcome if we refocused our time on our own lives? We have the power to eliminate a lack of confidence in our workplace. Whether its learning Javascript, new recipes, or how to paint, every dollar, minute, or action we put into your aspirations and goals will give you an immediate return on the investment reflective of what put in. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Investing in yourself and your abilities is a staple to eliminating a lack of confidence . Don\u2019t let people box you in to the rules they have created for themselves. Bet on your ability to work hard and make decisions that are best for you. You have the power. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Now to confess to you, what are the consequences of letting your confidence dictate to you your abilities. It is my reality at this present time. It\u2019s been about 3+years since I completed my bootcamp and touched code. Yes, I\u2019ve read and dabbled every blue moon. Now I\u2019ve rearranged my life to make my dream of breaking into tech a reality. Everyday I\u2019m coding, reading, listening, and writing. I\u2019m surprised by how much I do remember from bootcamp, but I\u2019m striving for a deep level of understanding. I received my certificate and had no confidence in my abilities. Yes, I completed the assignments, attended class 3 times a week, collaborated with my peers to complete three amazing and realistic apps that could have been easily monetized. I discovered a forgotten passion of graphic design and was able to highlight that skill in the bootcamp. Yet, I still told myself that I was not good enough. There were people with less skills than I, that went on to get entry-level developer jobs and are now commanding the income of an experienced second year full stack developer. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\nThe Lies They Tell<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n![\"Picture](\"https:\/\/careerkarma.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/pasted-image-0-1.jpg\")
Betting On Yourself<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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<\/p>\n\n\n\nConsequences<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
![\"Men](\"https:\/\/careerkarma.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/151030-M-AI083-317.jpeg\")